T
ool & D
ie page 34
http://www..mikesdoghouse.org
So....let me ask, do standard
tipping rules apply to a buf-
fet? I've never been clear on
this. We always leave 20-25%
at a restaurant where you get
`service', but does grabbing my
plate from under my chin be-
fore I'm done eating deserve a
tip? I don't know.
As we're walking out the
door, the only male worker
there says to me, "I see you,
buddy!" He sees me? What
does that mean? "Umm, I
see you too!" Heidi's gig-
gling, and I'm waddling, all
the way back to the car.
Atmosphere 2½ out of 5.
Is it too much
to ask for an
ample supply of
plates for the customers, and
leashes for the uncontrolled
kids?
Value 5 out of 5. It's a
buffet.
Service 3 out of 5. Thumbs
up on the re-
fills thumbs
down for almost
knocking me out with my
plate.
Coke & Pepsi Challenge...
failed.
Dumpster Diving
With Bone & Heidi
continued
Road
Killed
By Mick Fury
Hello from Kalamazoo, Michigan. Or is it
Bay Village, Ohio? Cleveland maybe? I don't
know where the hell I am, but hello anyways.
You see, my band Silent Fury is currently on
tour, the Takin' Back America Tour in fact.
Protecting America from a horrible future
fi lled with drum machines and autotune, and
saving it for rock bands everywhere. Big task,
can we do it? Not if:
Someone in the band has a mental
breakdown. It's already happened, will
it happen again? The road is tough.
We get murdered. Thought that
was gonna happen last night. Stayed
with this strange bird Dan last night,
who dragged us back to his apartment
and made us watch Kiss on VHS until
4 in the morning. Our drummer Josh
slept with his knife under his pillow. If
I yelled out a shape followed by a color
in the middle of the night, he knew to
jump up and cut the guy. Strange codes
work well on the road, "Blue Octagon"
was going to be my safety word.
We get into an accident. Oh wait,
that already happened. The promot-
er for our Cleveland show was kind
enough to put us up at her apartment
so we didn't have to tent it on the side
of the road. Turns out Cleveland driv-
ers don't stop at red lights and some
dumb ass rear-ended us. After scream-
ing at him for 30 minutes, he decided
paying us $1,000 dollars would be
easier than calling the police (sketchy).
He proceeded to drive us to his house
and bring out a thousand dollar bank
roll of $50's (super sketchy). de-
cided to date him (hyper sketchy!).
Ok that last part didn't happen,
but what a wild night. Speaking of
Cleveland...
Did you know they don't have
a nickname for Cleveland? Even
Syracuse is the "Salt City." Some
guy told me they called it C-Town
or Cleve-burg. Those aren't nick-
names, those are just worse ver-
sions of "Cleveland!" Btw you
should really look up the Cleve-
land Tourist Video. Search it on
YouTube, you won't be disappoint-
ed.
So we're rolling along, into Chicago to-
morrow night. The sucky thing is the
whole time we're drivin' I've been wor-
kin' on these lyrics:
Got this girl in my head and she won't
leave.
Every night in my bed talks dirty to me.
Not a fancy woman, she's a cold hard
bitch.
When she rocks that body, well it makes
me twitch.
The way she feels, the way she feels
me...she won't leave.
One guess what that might be about.
Luckily, we just so happen to have run
into quite a few scantily clad women
along the way. You see, the road has a
cure for everything!
http://www.myspace.com/mickfury